Corporate Dookie

You know what really irked me up this past week?

People that email us asking about their emails from god knows how long ago.   We’ve sent out an European metric shit ton of emails over months informing our users that their personal folders and emails older than green Earth itself would be deleted.

So of course this “deletion” happened at 2-3 weeks ago.  What the fuck do we get today?

A big, upper management user asking where the fuck his emails are.  Just imagine the fury, the lulz, the facepalms, and the “We told you so” phrases that we had over this call.  For fucks sake people, don’t you read what is being fed to you through various emails, news postings around the office, memos?!  Fuck, y’all watch TV and believe everything you see on it but when IT sends you a goddamn memo or email we fucking expect you to read it.  I mean, come the fuck on, we might as well as cut off your internet and you won’t know but you’ll surely call us up and whine that your shit ass laptop can’t get on youporn.com!

Sweet Jesus the Master Burger Flipper Almighty, everyone’s getting laptops these days even though they sit at their desks the entire 40 hours they spend at work.  Of course the shit is slow due to SpeedStep/Processor and you whine how “you need memory” but when we ask you to use a desktop instead, it’s “Oh no, it’s fine, please don’t take away my laptop!”

People, you can work on your spreedsheets on a desktop too!  They will not go away anywhere!  You do not need to show off in front of your family or Hindu mother that your college education at CSU/UIC has finally paid off and that the company gave you a laptop!  You do not need to work on your PowerPoint when in the shitter!  You do not need to take work home!  And you certainly don’t need to fucking keep your laptop inside of the same bag as your mother fucking yogurt that you brought from home for lunch.

And guess what now?  I get to type this mother fucking rant on a laptop that’s been used by god knows who (but certainly this person did not fail to mess the goddamn keyboard with their oily fingers).  You also do not need to wash your laptop with a goddamn hand sanitizer.  That shit makes the oil on the keys worse.  Fucks sake man, wtf is wrong with you?